I have really grown in my submission to Jay. It's a hard thing for me but it takes me deeper and deeper into my love for him and realizing things about myself. Everything is how it should be I suppose. Not a whole lot has been happening just trying to deal with my demons. There is so much inside me that i don't know how to deal with and that i feel i can't control and it's frustrating. Alot to do with my past and trying to learn to be myself regardless of others. My father sent me a birthday card it was a month late of course but he had the nerve to sign it Love your dad i wrote him back a letter that said simply 1) you are not my dad you are my father and i would rather actually call it the sperm donor dad is a title you earn you do nothing for me. 2) Don't say you love me.... you shouldn't use big words you don't understand he pisses me off so much but i'm trying to leave my anger towards him behind and continue my life without him. It's for the best. I have a tendency not to tell people whats wrong with me I guess i've just grown up dealing with things all by myself and shoving it deep down ignoring it. well last night i broke down and was crying so hard i couldn't see and my head hurt. when i was done i was so worn out i couldn't get out of my bed. jay was there for me through the whole thing which was very comforting. I feel much better today i guess i just needed to vent....

On a much happier note i saw original sin last night with the goddess angelina jolie and hot as hell antonio banderas They are both beautifull creatures and i saw both of them naked and well i'm a bad girl for the thoughts running in my head thats all i'm going to say. She's so much better off without billy bob! she can have me any day though ;p well enough rambling